COMMENTARY
Each year, as the holidays approach, countless Americans find themselves facing a very different kind of season, one marked not by joy, but by grief. This time of year brings up memories of someone they’ve lost, a relationship that has changed, or a chapter of life that will never look the same again. And while the world tells us to celebrate, the brain tells a different story.
Grief changes your mood, your thinking, your energy, and your sense of peace. This is why navigating grief around the holidays requires intention, compassion, and care for your brain.
In our culture, we often feel pressure to “be okay,” especially in December.
But grief doesn’t follow a calendar. It shows up in waves, some small, some overwhelming, and holidays tend to magnify everything we feel.
The truth is, grief is not just emotional. It is biological. It activates the brain’s alarm system, disrupts sleep, increases stress hormones, and alters the circuits involved in focus and motivation. You’re not imagining the heaviness. Your brain is responding to loss.
When we understand this, we can respond in ways that help calm the chaos inside us instead of making it worse.
One of the most important places to begin is with routine.
In seasons of grief, the basics fall apart, sleep becomes irregular, meals become inconsistent and movement becomes optional. But the brain thrives on rhythm. Foundational habits like sleep, healthy eating and exercise support healthy brain function and improved mental health.
Research that consistent routines calm the brain’s anxiety centers and strengthen the frontal cortex, which helps with decision-making and emotional balance.
These small anchors don’t remove grief, but they give the brain a steadier foundation to handle it.
Light is another powerful tool.
During fall and winter, sunlight drops and indoor time increases. Low vitamin D levels are linked to depression, and reduced sunlight disrupts melatonin and serotonin, two key regulators of mood. For someone already carrying sadness, this shift can intensify symptoms. Ten or fifteen minutes of morning sunlight on your skin can help stabilize your brain chemistry. When sunlight isn’t possible, bright light therapy offers an effective alternative.
When grief is present, cravings often increase, not just for food or alcohol, but the urge for escape.
But numbing behaviors intensify the very feelings we’re trying to avoid. Sugar causes blood sugar spikes and crashes that worsen irritation, fatigue, and mood swings.
Alcohol temporarily boosts dopamine, but leaves serotonin depleted, leading to a deeper emotional crash. When your heart is hurting, your brain needs stability, not substances that destabilize it. Nourish yourself with balanced meals, water, and movement, and you’ll feel the difference.
Connection also plays a crucial role in healing. When people are grieving, they often isolate. It feels easier, safer, less demanding. But isolation heightens sadness. Social isolation is a risk factor for worsening anxiety and depression. You don’t need large gatherings or forced cheer. You need a safe person, someone who can sit with you and let you be exactly where you are.
Finally, there’s the mind itself.
Grief brain is a term used to describe the neurological effects of loss on the brain. After an extreme loss, the body triggers the release of neurochemicals similar to those involved in the fight-flight-or-freeze response. In the following days, weeks, and months, reminders of the loss can re-ignite this chemical reaction. This grief response can rewire the brain in negative ways, changing it in several key regions.
The first of which is the Prefrontal cortex. The part of the brain responsible for executive functions, like planning, judgment, impulse control, problem-solving, and decision-making. Grief effectively takes this region offline, suppressing your ability to think clearly and accomplish complex tasks.
Additionally, the limbic system, the emotional center of the brain, shifts into overdrive in times of grief, amplifying emotions like sadness, fear, and anxiety.
In the healthy brain, the limbic system provides the motivation you need to get things done and the prefrontal cortex gives you the mental horsepower to complete important projects. Yet, in the grieving brain, this system is turned upside down, robbing you of mental clarity while heightening emotions.
Grief brings thoughts that are often harsh, heavy, or untrue, and every negative thought releases chemicals that influence how you feel. It is crucial to learn how to reframe those thoughts to help reduce depressive symptoms and rewire the brain toward healthier patterns.
But perhaps the most important thing to remember is this: it’s okay to feel what you feel.
The holidays are a mix of joy and pain for many people. You don’t have to pretend. Let your feelings come, they are part of healing. Suppressing emotions activates the brain’s stress circuits. Allowing them begins to release the pressure inside you.
Grief also touches the spiritual parts of us. Loss raises deep questions — about meaning, purpose, and what truly matters. Scripture reminds us in Psalm 34:18, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (NIV). Choosing hope doesn’t mean ignoring pain; it means anchoring your mind in something steady when everything else feels unstable.
Grief may be part of your holiday, but it doesn’t have to define it. With a steady routine, connection and compassion for yourself, your brain can find its way back to balance. And over time, you can discover moments of peace again.
Your grief is real. But so is your ability to heal.
Dr. Daniel Amen, MD, is a double board-certified psychiatrist and founder of Amen Clinics, a mental health practice specializing in brain-based approaches to diagnosis and treatment, and author of Change Your Brain, Change Your Pain.
