Ashley Tankard always dreamed of performing on “American Idol,” using her God-given voice to entertain and inspire.
But Tankard also had a major barrier to overcome: crippling anxiety. In fact, she spent years fighting fear, and it impacted virtually every facet of her life. From the inability to speak out in school as a child to the paralyzing worries she faced in her professional life, everything was tainted.
All of that changed in 2025, though, when Tankard diligently listened to God’s call for her life. Still mired in worry, she had long felt the Lord prompting her to share her testimony in book form. She had started the process years ago, but her call to complete the project only intensified as 2025 came to a close.
Tankard, who recently released a book about her journey, “Fear Didn’t Win,” knew the Lord wanted her to complete the project before Jan. 1, so she set out on a mission to do just that. Still unsure how her story would end, she continued on a journey of trust amid uncertainty.
“I first heard the Lord speak to me about this book when I was 18 years old, and … I did not have … an intimate and close relationship with Him back then, but … I actually knew His voice,” she said. “So I knew that was Him telling me to write this book or start this book, and I never really knew the end result of what the book would be.”
One of the hallmarks of Tankard’s story is her passion for music. In the years before she felt called to write her book, Tankard sought to live out her dream of auditioning for “American Idol.” At age 15, she recalled trying out for the very first time — an experience that ended in rejection.
“For seven years, I auditioned for the producers multiple times with this fear and this thought of … ‘I don’t know how I’m gonna even get in front of the judges if I make it,’” Tankard said. “I was still auditioning because it was just a dream that was in my heart for a very long time. So I auditioned for seven years straight, multiple times every single season.”
When Tankard was 22, she auditioned for the 15th time and finally earned the right to perform for the “American Idol” judges. Soon, fear — her familiar foe — came sweeping through, with Tankard worried not only about flying to the audition but also about standing in front of some of the biggest acts in music.
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“It was actually one of the hardest things I’ve ever done,” she said, noting she was “on the verge of a panic attack” as she prepared to sing for Katy Perry and the other show judges. “I kind of just went through the entire audition process, like in a full-blown panic attack.”
Despite struggling, Tankard said she was elated to have made it through the triggering moment and was finally able to see herself on TV.
“To be able to actually get through the audition and make it to Hollywood was … one of my biggest accomplishments,” she said.
Despite that accomplishment, the fear didn’t go away and she continued to struggle even with basic social situations. Flashing forward to 2025, Tankard struggled with crippling fear even as she followed God toward the finish line on writing her book — until a friend said something that transformed her understanding.
“In November of 2025, I was kind of in a place in my life where I wanted to, quote, unquote ‘Get my life together,’ but not in a way of, I was like doing bad in life, but just in a way of walking in my calling and walking in my purpose,” Tankard said. “So I called up a friend and basically was trying to get advice on certain areas of my life.”
Tankard told this friend the reason she wasn’t doing some of what she wanted to do was because of fear — something she felt she simply couldn’t get rid of throughout her life.
“I actually ended up sharing with him that I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder when I was 17 years old,” she said. “And what he told me was that fear and anxiety is actually a spirit that comes from the enemy, and after I had that conversation with him, it kind of struck something in me.”
Throughout her life, Tankard had assumed fear was merely mental and hadn’t spent much time pondering its potential spiritual elements. This was quite an interesting realization, as intense anxiety started when she was just 7 years old and expanded in subsequent years until she spoke with this friend and started to think a bit differently about it.
After Tankard’s friend discussed the spiritual nature of fear and anxiety, Tankard started talking to another Christian friend about these issues — and then something else happened. Ironically, that very night, Tankard’s church tackled the same issue during a service she attended.
“I ended up going to church that same night, and the pastor that was preaching that night ended up having like an altar call for some people that were dealing with crippling fear and anxiety,” she said.
Tankard answered that call, was prayed over, but said she initially “didn’t really feel any shift.” When she got home that night, though, she decided to openly rebuke the fear she had allowed to overtake her for so long.
“I kind of had this out loud dialogue with the enemy and kind of was just telling him, ‘I’m done letting you rule my life. You have no power over my mind, no power over me anymore.’”
“After that, I kind of went to sleep, woke up, and long story short, I was literally completely free from fear and anxiety,” Tankard said.
It was a freedom she never could have expected. After so many years of dealing with a diagnosis of anxiety, she assumed she would spend the rest of her life trying to cope with these struggles. Now, she said she’s walking in true liberty.
“It is just a very overwhelming feeling … walking in freedom … and it’s still very new,” she said. “Six months ago, I definitely would not have been able to freely talk about any of this, like over like an interview, just because I would’ve been afraid of … being honest and I would’ve been afraid … to say the wrong thing.”
Tankard continued, “But … now I’m … an open book because I know that God delivered me and I know it’s gonna help someone else.”
What’s perhaps most interesting is that Tankard said she felt a strong sense from God that she needed to finish writing “Fear Didn’t Win” — but that prompting came a week before her deliverance from anxiety. Watch her tell the incredible story and grab your copy of the book here.
