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Pastors may be surrounded by people every week, but many are navigating their calling with limited personal support, according to new research highlighting a growing gap between ministry life and supportive friendship.
A recent study by Barna Group titled, ‘The Relationships of Today’s Pastors,’ suggests that while most pastors report healthy marriages and a strong sense of vocation, many struggle with loneliness and a lack of trusted relationships outside their churches.
The research, which examined pastoral well-being across multiple areas of life, found that more than 90% of pastors describe their marriages as strong.
Yet 40% say they regularly feel lonely, and only about one-third report having a close confidante beyond their congregation.
Researchers measured well-being across five areas – relationships, faith, vocation, finances and overall well-being – and found that relationships ranked lowest for pastors, with an average score of 67 out of 100.
Notably, pastors reported poorer levels of relational well-being than members of their congregations.
David Kinnaman, chief executive of Barna, stated: “This is a role that’s high on stress and responsibility – and yet can be quite isolating.
“Pastors often feel the strain of having to lead people spiritually, while also creating a kind of trusted network of friendships outside of the people they lead.”
Marriage emerged as a relative strength. More than three-quarters of pastors (76%) said it was “very true” that their spouse was their closest friend, and around half said their partner was attuned to their challenges (53%) and that they maintained open, healthy communication (52%).
Outside marriage, however, many pastors reported a lack of deep, trusted friendships – particularly relationships where they could speak freely without concern for their leadership role.
The research suggests that pastoral loneliness is not simply a matter of physical isolation, but of feeling overlooked or under-supported while remaining constantly available to others.
Mr Kinnaman noted that the absence of trusted peer relationships can raise concerns about long-term sustainability in ministry.
Despite this, the study found that pastors are less likely to seek help for relational challenges than for other areas of life.
When asked what resources would most benefit them, a majority prioritised leadership development, finances and spiritual growth, while fewer than one in three (28%) identified relationships as a key area of need – even though it was their lowest-scoring category.
Researchers say this mismatch points to a blind spot in how pastoral support is understood and offered.
“Friendship, vulnerability and spiritual direction aren’t luxuries – they’re lifelines,” Mr Kinnaman said.
The findings have prompted calls for churches and denominations to take a more holistic approach to caring for clergy – one that recognises pastors not only as leaders, but as people with emotional and relational needs.
Mr Kinnaman said: “It’s not just about celebrating pastors. It’s about seeing them – acknowledging that they carry real burdens in their relationships and finding ways to support them in becoming whole and healthy.”
