“Manners are the happy way of doing things” (Ralph Waldo Emerson).
IF SOMETHING MAY BE DONE IN MORE THAN ONE WAY, POLITENESS MEANS CHOOSING THE MORE GRACIOUS WAY. Nearly everything we do has an impact on those who have dealings with us, and being polite is a way to make that impact as pleasant as possible. For instance, you can chew your food with your mouth open or closed. But the inside of the human mouth, especially when there’s food in it, is not an attractive sight, and so to make our tablemates’ experience more pleasant, we spare them the sight of our open mouth. George Washington, who learned early about how human influence works, wrote this in his copybook when he was sixteen years old: “Put not another bite into your Mouth till the former be Swallowed, and let not your Morsels be too big for your Mouth.” It may seem insignificant, but that’s a “happy way” of doing things at the table!
The rules of etiquette are not random, and before we discard them, we should consider that they are time-tested ways proven by many people to have some value. That some people carry them too far doesn’t mean they are completely useless.
Some people who flout the conventions of politeness do so because they think their rudeness projects a certain strength or bravado. But the truly strong don’t need to be impolite. As Eric Hoffer observed, “Rudeness is the weak man’s imitation of strength.”
Nor is politeness insincere or pretentious. Madame de Staël said, “Politeness is the art of selecting among one’s real thoughts.” Not everything we think needs to be spoken out loud, and even when tough truths need to be communicated, politeness urges us to balance our courage with a healthy measure of consideration. “Speak the truth in love,” the apostle Paul wrote in Ephesians 4:15.
Here’s the point: politeness means considering other people’s feelings. It wants others to have as pleasant an experience as possible. So good manners are just a way of showing kindness to those around us. And while the difference between the polite and the impolite may sometimes seem too small to pay attention to, that’s not an argument for discarding the idea of politeness. In fact, it may be the “little” acts of politeness that matter the most.
“Never come between anyone and the fire” (Wabasha).
Gary Henry – WordPoints.com + AreYouaChristian.com
