“There are no maverick molecules in the universe.”
Through tears and a catch in his throat, those are the words former Sen. Ben Sasse (R-Neb.) told CBS News host Scott Pelley on an emotional episode of “60 Minutes.”
While he’s known for his status as “senator,” Sasse made clear early in the conversation that his accomplishments on Capitol Hill pale in comparison to the other titles he holds: a husband of more than 30 years, a father of three children, a neighbor, a friend.
The 54-year-old Nebraska native told Pelley it was his December diagnosis with five different kinds of cancer — chiefly, a late-stage battle with pancreatic cancer — that illuminated his life’s most important work in an undeniably palpable way. That, he said, has been a “touch of grace.”
Pelley asked Sasse, a reformed Christian, why be believes “God has put you to the test.”
“Death is wicked, death is evil, death is not how it’s supposed to be,” said Sasse. “And me getting a cancer diagnosis, again, is pretty small on the grand scheme of things. But it’s a touch of grace, because it forces me to tell the truth. And the lie I wanna tell myself is that I’m the center of everything, and I’m gonna be around forever, and I can work harder, and store up enough, that I can atone for my own brokenness.”
He added, “I hate cancer. But I’m also grateful for it. I tell a lot more truth to myself than I used to do it when I thought I was super omni-competent and interesting.”
Sasse also told Pelley his fight against such aggressive cancer — an illness so painful he tried repeatedly to scald his back in the shower to relieve throbbing pain from tumors pressing against his spine — has “definitely” made him closer to God in ways he would not undo.
“I can acknowledge my dependence [on God] in a new way,” he said.
Pelley, who made clear he was making no comparisons between their stations in life, said he recalls a moment in the World Trade Center on Sept. 11, 2001, when he thought his own death was certain. In that split second, the anchor said, all he thought about was not wanting to leave his family behind.
He then asked the former lawmaker how he reconciles that feeling as he faces his own mortality.
“I am incredibly blessed,” began Sasse. “My wife, Melissa, has — we’ve been married 31 years. … We’re gonna be apart for a time. But she’s tough and gritty and theologically rooted, and she’s gonna be fine. My daughters are 24 and 22. And they’re extraordinary. I wanna walk ’em down the aisle when they get married. That’s not likely to be; that’s not the math on my time card.”
Sasse then turned to talking about his “providential surprise,” his 14-year-old son.
“He’s gonna be fine,” Sasse said with a smile, his voice beginning to shake. “He’ll have other wise men and women to put a hand on his shoulder. But I’m super bummed to not be there, at 16 and 18 and 20 years old in his life. I wanna give him more advice than he wants, and I wanna put my arm on his shoulder — and I want his shoulders to get taller. But it’s not a surprise to God.”
At another point in the interview, Pelley asked Sasse if there’s anything in life he’d do differently if he had the chance to try again.
Without missing a beat, Sasse said he would have wanted to have more children and wished he would have spent more time at home and fewer nights alone in hotel rooms.
But, in the end, the CBS News host stated, somewhat quizzically, “God, you believe has a plan.”
“Absolutely,” Sasse replied confidently. “There are no maverick molecules in the universe.”
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