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(THE DAILY WIRE) – Debates about “trad wives” and “girlbosses” place womanhood into opposing camps: career, ambition, and independence versus family, sacrifice, and support. But for me, as a military spouse, my life doesn’t fit neatly into either category. In many ways, it requires elements of both, as if the stereotypical definitions were both thrown into a NutriBullet and blended together.
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On the heels of celebrating my two-year wedding anniversary — in typical military fashion, apart from my husband — I found myself reflecting on just how much sacrifice this life demands, where uncertainty is constant and major plot twists are almost always guaranteed.
It is a reality that is often difficult to comprehend unless you have lived it yourself or loved someone who has; plans and routines shift without warning and precious time together is limited. Just when I finally get used to having my husband home and we begin settling into life as a newly married couple, life shifts again — sending me back into a season of independence, holding everything together on my own and keeping the trains moving so that when he returns, we can pick up where we left off.
I have unlocked a side of myself I didn’t know existed: one shaped by resilience, adaptability, independence, sacrifice, and an unwavering love of country that few other experiences can teach.
I have learned countless lessons that have made me into a stronger person, a better spouse, and a more intentional daughter, sister, and friend. I’ve learned how to spend time alone, bring joy into the darkest days, and enjoy doing things independently. I also resist the urge to fully and honestly answer questions like, “Can’t you just call your husband?” No, he’s hundreds or thousands of miles away with little to no cell service, but I will certainly be sending a detailed email later.
One of the more challenging lessons has been learning how to prepare for and navigate the most dreaded word of all: deployment. Deployments are like Florida afternoon storms. Sometimes you see them coming from miles away, dark clouds slowly gathering on the horizon. Other times, they catch you off guard, and suddenly you are wrapped in sideways rain, running for cover, hoping not to get too drenched. Like storms, deployments often last longer than you think they will and have some surprise twists, but eventually they pass — making way for sunshine and the relief of finally having your spouse back in the same zip code again.
But most of all, being a military spouse has changed my perspective on time. In the seasons of separation, a day feels like a week. A week feels like a month. A month feels like an eternity. Every day feels like the movie “Groundhog Day” in the sense that it is just another day waking up, and your spouse and best friend isn’t home to share the everyday moments with you.
Time is so precious. Simple activities such as having dinner together, going on walks, or even going to the grocery store are times I cherish. During those long stretches of time apart, looking back on these memories makes me smile.
In navigating challenges and uncertainty, I have gained a deeper respect not only for my husband’s service but for the country and freedoms his sacrifice helps preserve. Loving someone who serves, whether you are married or related to them, inevitably changes the way you see America. Freedom is not just an abstract idea. It is something that needs to be actively defended and preserved.
For the last 250 years, America has represented a bold experiment in liberty. Generations of men and women have answered the call to serve their country, and some have made the ultimate sacrifice. Heading into Memorial Day, that reality weighs heavily, serving as a reminder of the true cost of the freedoms we are all privileged to live with today.
The title “military spouse” is one I hold with pride, and I know my time in this role is finite. With every twist and turn my husband and I face together as a team, I know there are millions of military families out there navigating similar yet entirely different situations. To these families, you are a constant source of inspiration, and your service and sacrifice should not go unrecognized.
My short time as a military spouse only reflects a larger truth woven throughout our nation’s history: Military spouses have quietly upheld the home front through constant reinvention, emotional endurance, and steadfast patriotism, sustaining the promise of freedom alongside those who defend it.
Not to mention how communication has changed. As my grandmother loves to remind me, “At least you don’t have to wait for letters, like I did, and can sometimes see his face on your phone.”
Looking back at old photos of my husband and me — smiling in the early days of dating or in our courthouse wedding pictures — I am reminded of just how far we have come as a team, and also how much I have changed for the better.
As I look ahead, I carry with me both gratitude and perspective. I don’t fit the mold of either the “trad wife” or the “girlboss,” but I feel more fulfilled than I have in my entire life. I have been stretched in ways I never anticipated and have gained a deeper appreciation for the moments of connection that my husband and I are given.
As we celebrate America’s 250th birthday all year long, I am reminded that while uniforms may represent service on the front lines, it is the strength of families on the home front that helps sustain the promise of freedom generation after generation — and I am honored to be a part of that history.
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This article was originally published in The Daily Wire.
