For seven years, Jessica Rose lived as a man named Aden.
Childhood trauma taught her that women suffer pain; something she wanted to avoid.
“I saw my mom constantly getting hurt, which made me internalize. I will get hurt. So, I need to be this person who’s very macho, very mighty, very strong,” Rose told CBN News.
Sexual abuse, family instability, and the absence of a father figure led Jessica to make trauma-based identity choices.
“From 15 to 21, I was with women,” Jessica explained. “I was in different relationships, very promiscuous, and it just continued to fuel this masculinity that I was building. I felt masculine. I felt like a boy. I had these reasonings to be a boy. I felt like I must be.”
In 2019, Jessica transitioned to becoming a male through hormone therapy and surgery, though stopping short of having a hysterectomy.
“I had a double mastectomy, free nipple regrafts, and they cut my chest,” Jessica said during an interview with CBN News.
Jessica also shared that she even married a woman.
“I became a husband,” she said. “I started to build the American dream. We got a house together. I had the cars. She had a child already, so I became a stepparent and I was building this life I felt that I wanted. I was finally looking like the man I thought I wanted to be, living a life that I thought a man should live.”
After realizing that her choice didn’t erase the pain of her childhood, Jessica attempted suicide.
“I still was not happy because I never addressed the wounds,” said Jessica. “I had never told anyone I was molested. I had never told anybody about the pain, but instead I hid it and said I was born this way. In my suicide attempt, I swallowed a bunch of pills, and I was waiting to die.”
After time in a mental hospital and wondering why she survived, Jessica heard a message that shifted her life.
“Someone told me about the gospel,” said Jessica. “Someone told me that God loved me even though I had this attempt, even though I wasn’t talking to my family and even though I was living the life I was living, that God still loved me. That changed everything.”
A transformation in 2020 helped her fully surrender her life to Christ.
As part of her walk with God, Jessica reclaimed her biological identity as a woman, which included ditching the testosterone she had been taking.
She became a member of a local church and was growing in her relationship with the Lord.
“I was praying about free women’s healthcare. I was genuinely praying for like, ‘God, I’ve come out now. I’m here at the altar. Whatever you want to give me, I don’t know how I’m supposed to do this. So, I literally was looking for help as a woman,” she shared.
The answer came during a message at church from a guest speaker.
Heidi Matzke, Director of Alternatives Pregnancy Center in Sacramento, CA, was a guest speaker at Jessica’s church that day. She shared about the center’s free medical services for women, including an OB/GYN who specialized in hormone therapy.
“Alternatives is not just a pregnancy center that does ultrasounds and pregnancy tests,” Matzke said in an interview with CBN News. “We’re pro-gospel, pro-woman, pro-life, but we also do free gynecological services for women as well.”
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Matzke says she initially mistook Jessica for a man.
“She began to share, ‘Heidi, what you don’t know about me is that I’m actually biologically female and I am beginning to embrace the God-given body that He gave me as a daughter of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords,’ and shared how she had been at the age of 19 taking testosterone and that she encountered Jesus Christ as her personal savior and she’s now trying to walk out her to life as a daughter of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords,” Matzke explained.
Doctors at Alternatives taught Jessica to care for her female body and walked her through hormone reversal treatment.
“When they say they are pro-gospel, pro-woman, pro-life, they helped me in that order by bringing the truth to me – ‘God created you. He knew what you were going to do,'” said Jessica. “Genuinely Alternatives Pregnancy Center sat with me, giving me compassion, listening with me, and really teaching me about my body. There was things happening with my breast, and we found out now my chest grew back, and we watched this miracle happen together.”
Jessica’s journey is a miracle that Matzke encourages the church to be aware of regarding sensitive issues surrounding gender identity.
“When you see someone who might be dressed as a woman or dressed as a man, just consider Jessica’s story,” she said. “You truly never know. And our job is to shine light in the middle of darkness and to listen before we judge, and Jessica’s story is an incredible opportunity to learn from.”
“They cared about my life to go slow with me, to educate me, and to love me,” said Jessica.
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