Have you ever seen a couple who have been married for a long time and are still deeply in love? If so, have you ever wondered what their secret to a happy marriage is? It’s not about how “perfect” they are as spouses. Instead, it’s because their relationship is grounded in gratitude and a deeper love than their love for each other.
Listen up because I’m going to share their secret sauce with you. A marriage thrives when both the husband and wife love Christ more than anyone in life, including their spouse. And when they look to The Lord as their provider – rather than demanding their spouse meet all their needs.
When you learn to devote your heart to loving the Lord, there will be a natural outpouring of thankfulness and God’s love spilling out of your heart and onto those around you – especially your marriage partner.
The key to cultivating a spirit of thanksgiving in your marriage does not lie in how well your spouse measures up to your expectations but in how well you love God. It’s natural to look to your spouse to fill your emotional tank and be the source of your gratitude. However, this is a selfish love that can leave you feeling ungrateful when your spouse doesn’t meet your expectations.
It is humanly impossible to love selflessly because we are all born with a sinful nature that seeks our own good above anyone else’s. The only people who can reflect a heart of gratitude and love the way Jesus intended are those who:
- Have a personal relationship with God through Christ
- Are filled with the Holy Spirit
- Are pursuing a deeper love for the Lord
Why Gratitude Matters
Your grateful attitude in marriage can be a light that tells your children and the world that knowing the Savior really does make a difference in your lives. That’s why Satan works to undermine your thoughts toward entitlement or keeping a record of your spouse’s wrongs.
Living with gratitude does not happen by accident. When life is tough, your hormones are acting up, the bills pile up, and the kids get sick – this is when the light of God’s kind of love has the potential to shine the brightest. And that is when you can discover the transformative power of gratitude. 1 Thessalonians 5:18: “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”
Make Friends with Thankful Couples
As a young bride, I was drawn to thankful couples in our church because their love gave me hope. As I began to look at more mature couples who seemed to express gratitude for one another, I found an untapped resource of wisdom that taught me how to have a happy marriage! If you want to grow the thankfulness in your own marriage, my advice is to make friends with older couples who are marked by gratitude. Because their example will help guide you to cultivate a spirit of thanksgiving in your marriage.
God wants the grateful love between you and your partner to be a testimony of His love to the world, and happy marriages that express gratitude are one of the greatest resources God can use to draw unbelievers toward Him – beginning with your own children.
Related Resource: Dealing with Stress in Your Marriage
In this episode of The Real Deal of Parenting, Abby’s husband, Doug Johnson, joins Regan Long to talk about dealing with stress in your marriage, following God’s will in your life when it’s the hardest, and work/life balance with kids. If you’re starting to feel the stress of the holidays on your marriage, this conversation will give you practical tips for prioritizing your relationship in one of the busiest seasons of the year. If this episode was helpful for your marriage, be sure to subscribe to The Real Deal of Parenting on Apple or Spotify, so you never miss an episode!
Related:
5 Holiday Date Night Ideas for Every Couple to Enjoy
7 Ways to Show Your Spouse You Notice and Appreciate Them
4 Ways to Show Your Spouse You Are Grateful for Them
Photo credit: ©Getty Images/YakobchukOlena
Rhonda Stoppe is a best-selling Christian author of seven books. With 40 years of experience in helping women build no regrets lives, Rhonda has become a highly sought after voice in the Christian living community. She has written hundreds of articles for Crosswalk.com and other popular magazines. Rhonda has appeared on The 700 Club, 100 Huntley Street, Family Life Today, Dobson’s Family Talk, and her interviews at Focus on the Family have been named in their Best Of Episodes 2021 & 2023. “I could have listened to Rhonda talk all night,” is what listeners say. Her speaking platform includes: Homeschool conferences, (MOPs) MomCo, MomCon, Legacy Grandparenting Summit and more. She is the host of the award-winning podcast, Old Ladies Know Stuff. Rhonda has over 40 years experience as a pastor’s wife, speaker, mom coach, marriage mentor, mother of four–and did we mention she’s a grandmother of 15! Find out more about Rhonda at NoRegretsWoman.com.
Originally published November 03, 2025.
