{"id":10565,"date":"2025-11-16T04:02:03","date_gmt":"2025-11-16T04:02:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/biblelon.com\/?p=10565"},"modified":"2025-11-16T04:02:03","modified_gmt":"2025-11-16T04:02:03","slug":"what-if-friendship-isnt-the-goal","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/biblelon.com\/?p=10565","title":{"rendered":"What If Friendship Isn\u2019t the Goal?"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/p>\n

Every semester, I invite my leadership students to do something that feels both ancient and radical: take their \u201cother\u201d out to lunch. The instructions are simple: invite someone whose worldview unsettles you, buy them a meal, and listen longer than feels comfortable. No debating. No persuading. Just presence, curiosity, and the courage to see the human across the table.<\/p>\n

This semester, part of the inspiration came from\u00a0a recent conversation on the\u00a0Mending Divides<\/em>\u00a0podcast with Rev. Harold Good, the Northern Irish pastor and peacemaker who helped navigate decades of sectarian division. He spoke of the table as a place of quiet transformation \u2013 even daring to say, \u201cUse your table to transform enemies into allies.\u201d I wondered what would happen if my students tried that in their own small way.<\/p>\n

This assignment is less about agreement and more about rehumanization. It\u2019s an experiment in resistance against the algorithms, the pundits, and the fear merchants who profit from our division. What my students recently discovered in caf\u00e9s and dining halls across Spokane is what the world so desperately needs to relearn \u2013 that proximity has the power to soften caricatures and rewrite stories.<\/p>\n

One student realized she\u2019d been making\u00a0a lot<\/em>\u00a0of assumptions about her \u201cother\u201d before ever hearing them speak. Another noticed that taking a deep breath between responses helped her resist the urge to refute and instead made her partner feel heard. One discovered that empathy \u201creaches over ideological boundaries,\u201d and another found that vulnerability begets vulnerability. When he offered his story honestly, his \u201cother\u201d met him there.<\/p>\n

What emerged across their reflections wasn\u2019t na\u00efve consensus or some utopian commitment to harmony. It was something quieter and more durable: a shared sense that, even in deep disagreement, we might not be as divided as we think.<\/p>\n

Practicing this kind of encounter doesn\u2019t require a classroom or an assignment. It only takes intention.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s how to begin:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Identify your \u201cother.\u201d<\/strong>\u00a0Think of someone in your life who sees the world (ideology, theology, lifestyle, etc.) differently than you do. Notice the caricature you\u2019ve drawn of them and the fables you\u2019ve fabricated about them. Then, commit to replacing that cartoon with a conversation.<\/li>\n
  2. Extend an invitation.<\/strong>\u00a0Keep it simple: \u201cI\u2019ve realized I\u2019ve made some assumptions about people who see the world differently than I do. Would you be open to grabbing coffee or lunch so I can better understand your perspective and what has shaped it?\u201d<\/li>\n
  3. Prepare your posture.<\/strong>\u00a0Before you meet, center yourself in generosity. Remind yourself:\u00a0I don\u2019t need to agree; I just need to be present.<\/em>\u00a0Breathe. Let curiosity lead.<\/li>\n
  4. Listen longer than feels comfortable.<\/strong>\u00a0Rather than trading talking points about beliefs, ask them to share a story about when a particular belief first became important to them. Resist the itch to rebut. Silence is often the birthplace of understanding.<\/li>\n
  5. Reflect afterward.<\/strong>\u00a0Ask yourself: What surprised me? How were my assumptions challenged? When and why did my defenses show up? What did I discover about them that is truer than the fables I\u2019ve fabricated? What do we share in common?<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    You don\u2019t need to become friends with your \u201cother.\u201d Friendship isn\u2019t the goal. The goal is to train your eyes to see the humanity, dignity, and intrinsic value of every human being, even the one you find most confounding.<\/p>\n

    So, go ahead. Invite your \u201cother.\u201d Order lunch. And stay in the conversation. You may just find that the most transformative table in your life isn\u2019t at a conference, in a classroom, or within a worship space, but, as Rev. Good reminds us, in the quiet courage between two people choosing to see each other.<\/p>\n

    Editor\u2019s Note: This article was\u00a0originally published on October 29, 2025 on Hopeful Alternative<\/em>, a free Substack by Dr. Jer Swigart, co-founder and executive director of Global Immersion. Featuring \u201cprovocations for disarming conflict and remaking our world\u201d,\u00a0Hopeful Alternative\u00a0<\/em>invites readers into the everyday work of peacemaking. (Learn more)<\/p>\n

    RLC welcomes and encourages individuals who engage in critical thinking at the intersection of faith and justice to contribute to our blog. The views and opinions expressed by our blog authors are their own and do not necessarily reflect or represent the views and opinions of RLC, its staff, members, or officers.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Every semester, I invite my leadership students to do something that feels both ancient and radical: take their \u201cother\u201d out to lunch. The instructions are simple: invite someone whose worldview unsettles you, buy them a meal, and listen longer than feels comfortable. No debating. No persuading. Just presence, curiosity, and the courage to see the<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":10566,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[39],"tags":[2248,706,554],"class_list":["post-10565","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-christian-living","tag-friendship","tag-goal","tag-isnt"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/biblelon.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10565","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/biblelon.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/biblelon.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/biblelon.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/biblelon.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=10565"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/biblelon.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10565\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/biblelon.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/10566"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/biblelon.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=10565"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/biblelon.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=10565"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/biblelon.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=10565"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}