{"id":19021,"date":"2026-02-17T21:36:38","date_gmt":"2026-02-17T21:36:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/biblelon.com\/?p=19021"},"modified":"2026-02-17T21:36:38","modified_gmt":"2026-02-17T21:36:38","slug":"winning-your-spouses-heart-while-doing-ministry-is-a-must","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/biblelon.com\/?p=19021","title":{"rendered":"Winning your spouse\u2019s heart while doing ministry is a must"},"content":{"rendered":"


By Chuck Lawless<\/span><\/span>, CP Guest Contributor Sunday, February 15, 2026<\/span>iStock\/Jacob Wackerhausen<\/span><\/p>\n

I write this post with some trepidation, simply because I still have much to learn about being a good husband in ministry. <\/p>\n

Pam and I have been married for almost 35 years, and it seems I learn something new about marriage every day. Nevertheless, here are some of my thoughts on this topic (or, to put it more honestly, here are some things I\u2019m still learning to do):<\/p>\n

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  1. At least weekly, ask God to show you how to keep winning your spouse\u2019s heart.\u00a0<\/strong>If you\u2019re anything like me, you need help meeting this goal. In fact, I\u2019m writing this post because we at Church Answers know church leaders often need some guidance here. Who better to ask for help than the God who requires us to love our spouses with a godly, sacrificial, undying love? Seeking Him is an expression of how much we want to pursue our spouse in a way that honors Him, even as we minister to others.\u00a0\u00a0<\/li>\n
  2. Meditate on God\u2019s goodness in bringing your spouse to you.<\/strong> Two church secretaries (the term we used for administrative assistants back then) set Pam and me up. They were convinced we needed to meet, and they orchestrated events to make it happen. I suspect I was nervous about the whole thing back then, but I\u2019m deeply grateful now for their interest. God was in their efforts \u2014 as I\u2019m sure He was in your situation, too. Think about how He connected you with your spouse today, and say, \u201cThank You.\u201d<\/li>\n
  3. Pray with your spouse.<\/strong>\u00a0I strongly suggest praying together daily, even if it\u2019s a short prayer. There\u2019s just something both uniquely powerful and spiritually humbling when we pray with the one we love. In essence, we are saying to God, \u201cWe need You as a couple to do all that You\u2019ve called us to do. Help us. Guide us. Give us wisdom. Keep us united.\u201d If you need a first action step toward winning your spouse\u2019s heart, let it be here.<\/li>\n
  4. Date your spouse.<\/strong> I do mean these words literally (that is, take your wife out on a date regularly), but I also mean them more broadly. Treat your wife as you did when you were dating \u2014 when you couldn\u2019t wait to talk with her, to hang out with her, to talk about goals and life with her, to look your best for her, to share your burdens with her, and to dream about tomorrow with her. One of my pastoral heroes once told me, \u201cAlways have a sweetheart love for Jesus\u201d; what I\u2019m adding here is, \u201cAlways have a sweetheart love for your sweetheart, too.\u201d<\/li>\n
  5. Take your days off, and take your vacation.<\/strong> Frankly, this one\u2019s especially tough for me to write, simply because I\u2019m guilty here. I can quickly show my workaholic tendencies and spiritually claim my need to keep toiling even when I know how much my wife wants me to take time off. What I\u2019ve learned, though, is that Pam unselfishly delights in times when I give her undivided attention in spite of ministry needs that remain. She would do \u2014 and does do\u2014the same for me all the time, and my letting the work remain so I can be with her says volumes to her about my love for her.<\/li>\n
  6. Honor your spouse for who she is, and don\u2019t expect her to play a \u201crole\u201d for your ministry\u2019s sake.\u00a0<\/strong>I grew up hearing what a pastor\u2019s wife should be: she plays the piano, leads the women\u2019s missions group, teaches a women\u2019s Sunday school class, heads up every fellowship committee, and generally models what it means to be a perfect wife and mother. My wife is a great role model of faithfulness, but she doesn\u2019t do anything else I included on this list. She serves in her own roles more faithfully than anyone I know \u2014 and she loves me for loving her simply for who she is.<\/li>\n
  7. As appropriate, invite your spouse into the details and work of your ministry.<\/strong>\u00a0Every couple must determine how much they share regarding ministering to others, counseling church members, dealing with church conflict, etc. Still, many of us who serve in church leadership need to think more intentionally about including our spouses in the work. Sometimes it starts with something as simple as making sure your spouse knows what\u2019s happening according to the church calendar. Or it might be asking your spouse to make a pastoral visit with you, to intercede with you on a particular church need, to dream together about ways to reach your community, or to talk about some of the ministry weight you bear. I suspect many of us would be surprised by how much our spouse feels included if we take these kinds of steps.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Winning your spouse\u2019s heart while doing ministry is not only a necessary goal for your marriage, but it\u2019s also a great role model for other married couples in your church. As you can see, it takes prayer, intentionality, thoughtfulness, effort, and continual evaluation \u2014 but it\u2019s always worth the effort. What step(s) do you need to take in this direction?<\/p>\n

    Originally published at Church Answers.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

    Chuck Lawless currently serves as Professor of Evangelism and Missions and Dean of Graduate Studies at Southeastern Seminary. A conference speaker and author or co-author of more than ten books, including Spiritual Warfare: Biblical Truth for Victory<\/em>, Discipled Warriors<\/em>, Putting on the Armor<\/em>, Mentor<\/em>, and Spiritual Warfare in the Storyline of Scripture<\/em>, Dr. Lawless has a strong interest in discipleship and mentoring. You can connect with Dr. Lawless on both Twitter<\/a> and Facebook.<\/p>\n