November 11, 2025
Moving On When Your Marriage Doesn’t
LYSA TERKEURST
Lee en español
“If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all” Romans 12:18 (ESV)
I’m strong. I’m long-suffering. I’m loyal to a fault. My love is strong enough to withstand it all. I don’t give up. I don’t walk away.
Some of the best parts of me don’t seem to line up with someone who reaches a place in a relationship where it’s no longer sustainable to go on. I’ve even tripped over Romans 12:18 sometimes: “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.”
But I recently realized that the phrase “if possible” implies it is sometimes not possible to reconcile. I wanted reconciliation to be the end of my marriage story. Though there were some forward steps at first, in the end, there were too many backward steps that weren’t lining up with possible reconciliation. It became painfully obvious to me, my counselor, and the pastors who were helping me navigate that season that my marriage was not going to make it.
I had to face the heartbreaking reality that one person in a marriage can want restoration with all of their heart, but unless both people are willing to humbly come back together and do the work, sometimes we have to learn to move on when our marriage doesn’t.
If you’re in that same place today, I want to encourage you with some truths straight from my journal that I think will really help you:
1. Redemption with God is possible even when reconciliation with others is not.
One of the hardest but most encouraging lessons I’ve learned is that God can still make our story beautiful even if it doesn’t end the way we thought it would. We have to be careful not to confuse redemption with reunion. Reunion or reconciliation requires that both people are willing to live in truth and humbly do the hard work. Bad behaviors and destructive patterns have to stop so the rebuilding can begin. Sometimes this is possible. Sometimes it’s not.
But remember: Even if reunion isn’t possible, you can still go on to live a redemptive story. Redemption is between you and God. God can redeem your life even if it looks very different than you hoped and prayed it would turn out.
2. We can forgive even if the relationship never gets restored.
You deserve to stop suffering because of what another person did to you. Forgiveness, though it is incredibly hard, is God’s prescription for the human heart to heal. Bitterness, anger, and resentment may feel good in the moment, but in the long term, they will turn us into someone we were never meant to be. We don’t want to give that kind of power to the person who has so deeply hurt us. Their actions don’t have to change us for the worse.
And we don’t have to wait for them to own what they did or say they’re sorry. That’s their choice to make. But our choices are no longer tied to their actions. So we can choose to heal, we can choose to move on in healthy ways, and we can choose to still have a wonderful life by cutting the ties of unforgiveness. Forgiveness isn’t always about restoring a human relationship but about being obedient to God.
3. You can only be held accountable for what you say and do.
When put in a hard situation where our hearts are completely broken, we often find ourselves doing and saying things that betray who we really are. But some of the best advice I’ve given to some of my friends is this: Prove them wrong. This is not a statement about the other person. It’s a statement of dignity about you. Reclaiming your dignity and redeeming your integrity is your choice from here on out.
4. What happened in your marriage is not the sum total of who you really are.
Your marriage was a significant part of your life, but it’s not the whole story of your life. And as long as there’s still breath in your lungs and life to be lived today, you deserve to live. You deserve to heal. You deserve to move beyond all this hurt. And it’s crucial to remember that the goal of moving on and pursuing forgiveness isn’t perfection. It’s progress.
The sign of progress is recognizing that you may be hurt by all of this or offended or knocked off balance emotionally, but you can let the pain work for you instead of against you as you regain confidence about who you really are in Jesus.
Friend, if you want to heal and lay down what hurts, it’s 100% your choice to make. The steps needed are yours to take. You can move on from here. In a God-honoring way. In a healthy way. Healing is yours for the taking and yours for the keeping.
Dear Lord, I am looking to You to hold me close and guide me through the next season of my life. Help me release some of the memories, hold on to the others, and make peace with all I can. I know I cannot do any of this on my own, but with Your help, healing is possible. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
THIS IS THE RESOURCE YOU MIGHT NEED
If you find yourself facing the end of your marriage and you aren’t sure what to do next, Lysa TerKeurst deeply understands. That’s why she wrote her latest book, Surviving an Unwanted Divorce, alongside theologian Dr. Joel Muddamalle and Licensed Professional Counselor Jim Cress. Through these pages, you’ll gain the practical, scriptural tools you need to get to the other side and see that life doesn’t end when your marriage does. Surviving an Unwanted Divorce is officially available today — you can get your copy here for a discount of 25% off!
ENGAGE
Find everyday encouragement when you connect with Lysa TerKeurst here on Instagram.
FOR DEEPER STUDY
Lamentations 3:22-23, “The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness” (ESV).
Reflect on the truths from these verses. How does knowing that the Lord is endlessly steadfast, merciful, and faithful help you in the midst of shifting human relationships? Let us know in the comments.
© 2025 by Lysa TerKeurst. All rights reserved.
Proverbs 31 Ministries
P.O. Box 3189
Matthews, NC 28106
www.Proverbs31.org
