Follow Your Grief, By James Crews
Everyone says to follow your bliss,
but what if, some days, you need
to pull the shades, draw the covers
over your head, and turn – toward
grief instead? What if sadness calls
like the one candle left burning
in a room, with its blackened wick,
its scent of struck matches, and flicker
of long-gone breath? Joy is the fire
we’re taught never to deny, but why
not see sorrow as elemental too—
plunging both hands deep into that
rich, black soil in which anything,
anything might grow?
It may seem counterintuitive—-even risky—to follow the call of our grief, especially when it is inconvenient or embarrassing. We may spend months or years denying how we really feel, trying to fit into a culture that tells us over and over to follow our bliss. Others may encourage us to gloss past the depth of our pain and paint it over with the veneer of false happiness. It’s true that joy, if followed, can lead us where we need to be. But turning away from our grief, that lone candle left burning, also shuts off our access to positive emotions like joy, delight, and wonder.
It will perhaps feel self-indulgent not to answer phone calls or messages for a time, not to answer the door, or call into work—but in these shaky early days, our self-care must come first. We never want to sugarcoat the presence of sorrow in our life or anyone else’s, yet many of us know from experience that even the darkness of grief contains possibility. A strange uplift can come on the other side of giving ourselves over to the waves of sadness when they come.
Grief asks us to plunge both hands deep into the soil of this awful, new experience, in which we may discover traces of a new path. We never would have asked for this and do not willingly turn toward it. Yet maybe we can see that loss has given us a chance to remake our life, to decide how we want to move through the world. It may come only as a flicker at first, but even that hint of possibility can light our way.
Invitation for Writing & Reflection:
What would it mean right now for you to follow your grief, to give in when it calls for your gentle attention? Can you trust that, even though you may not feel it now, every sorrow holds a hint of possibility? If you choose to write, you might begin with the phrase “Today I need to” and see what unseen needs arise that might have been living at the edges of your awareness.
Excerpted from Turning Toward Grief by James Crews. Copyright © 2025 Broadleaf Books. Reproduced by permission.
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