COMMENTARY
Father’s Day is one day out of the whole year. And dads need to be trying every day of the year.
Don’t get me wrong. It’s nice to be recognized. It’s nice to feel special! But being a father is about consistent, intentional presence in the life of your family and children.
Being a good dad takes more than a special breakfast or cook-out once a year. Show up for your wife, your kids and your responsibilities every day — starting today.
Showing up for your wife looks different for every husband, every wife — and it will probably look different through different seasons of your life together! Right now, for instance, we have a newborn. So I take our older kids out individually to give her a break. I handle our big family Saturday breakfasts, orchestrating the egg-cracking and pancake-flipping while she rests. I take the baby for walks during my lunch hour.
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Most importantly, I proactively discern and meet her needs. So talk to your wife about what she needs. Hear her out. Go out of your way to establish and maintain a strong, spiritually grounded and emotionally open relationship with your wife. In doing so, you won’t just make it easier to work alongside her; it’s also an important model for your children, and makes their family life better.
Showing up for your kids, I have found, is very often about saying “yes” — even if you don’t feel ready to. If they ask to play catch, say yes. If they want to show you their art, give them your full attention.
Their relationship with you early on forms your relationship for the rest of their lives, and forms them for the rest of their lives. So be there. And, importantly, be there for each of them individually as well as present to the entire sibling group.
Kids who have strong, healthy relationships with their parents will be more likely to form strong, healthy relationships with peers — and that includes their siblings. If you feel a little lost at the prospect of building relationships with kids, start with their interests.
All of my kids have different interests. Yours probably will, too. But you need to get interested in their interests. One of my sons loves Pokemon — so, guess what, I also love Pokemon. My daughter loves dance class, so I make sure I take her to her dance class when I can, just us two.
But showing up for your family isn’t the only part of being a dad. Most of us have jobs — and many of us have stressful ones, at that!
It’s common to think that work is more important than family life; or, even if we don’t think it, we very often act like it. But nothing could be further from the truth.
Work is important. Working hard is important. Your family is the most important thing, and should always be treated as such.
So show your kids what it looks like to work hard and establish boundaries that make sure family comes first. Give them a model of healthy priorities that they can follow for years to come.
Of course, being a dad at all is a tall order, let alone being a truly good dad. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed if you’re just starting to build healthy relationships with your kids or your spouse.
Trust God. Pray for help. Pray that He shows you places you can step up today, with the person you are right now.
It doesn’t matter what kind of dad you had, or what kind of dad you think you are today. You can be the dad your kids need. And God is calling you to become that dad.
So show up, however you can, in the day-to-day. Show up, and you’ll see just how much you are needed — and loved.
Stephen Moore is the Director of WinShape Camps for Communities
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