by Jane Mose, Family Peer Specialist and Certified Parenting Coach
This article is also available as a printable download.
It’s a parenting challenge that most of our parents never had to face: how much time on social media and computer gaming is healthy for my child? And if I think my child is spending too much time on screens, how do I reduce screen use without triggering big, angry reactions?
Smartphones haven’t been around very long. They gained rapid popularity between about 2010 and 2012, around the same time social media platforms expanded quickly. Online gaming emerged a bit earlier but is still relatively new. As with many new technologies, the full impact of these tools was not immediately understood.
Now, however, research has raised significant concerns. We know that excessive screen time can contribute to:
- Physical challenges: digital eye strain, reduced physical activity and stamina, and sleep difficulties
- Mental health concerns: anxiety, depression, aggression, hyperactivity1, lower self-image, and reduced connection with parents
- Social challenges: difficulty forming friendships and reading social cues
- Academic difficulties: attention problems, less time spent reading, reduced problem-solving skills, and lower academic performance2
Knowing the risks, how can parents help children develop healthy screen boundaries?
1. Explore why screen time matters to your child
If a child resists limits, screen use is likely meeting a need. Talk with your child about what they enjoy or rely on when using screens. Common underlying needs include:
- Competence or self-confidence
- Connection
- Pleasure or stimulation
- Self-regulation or calming
Once the need is identified, work together to meet it in other ways. This might include discovering new talents, increasing face-to-face time with family and friends, enjoying outdoor or creative activities, or learning calming strategies such as deep breathing, walking, or listening to music while drawing.
2. Involve children in setting screen guidelines
Choose a time when everyone is calm and rested to discuss concerns about screen time. Invite children to help create family guidelines that apply to both adults and kids. Examples might include:
- Keeping family meals screen-free
- Storing screens outside bedrooms at night
- Avoiding screens between 8:00 p.m. and 8:00 a.m.
- Having screens “go to bed” an hour before bedtime
Start with one guideline and allow time for adjustment before adding another. Over time, screens become tools rather than the center of family life.
3. Replace screens with meaningful family connection
Removing screens without replacement often leads to frustration. Show children that joy and connection exist beyond devices. Consider activities such as:
- Nature scavenger hunts
- Board games or charades
- Backyard games or family challenges
- Indoor campouts with sleeping bags, flashlights, and silly songs
After activities, briefly ask children if they enjoyed the experience and whether they would like to do something similar again. This reinforces positive associations with screen-free time.
4. Help children learn to manage boredom
With reduced screen time, boredom is inevitable, and that’s not a bad thing! Boredom encourages creativity. Parents can help by setting up simple “zones” at home, such as:
- A cozy zone with books, music, puzzles, or stuffed animals
- A creative zone with art supplies
- An active zone for movement and play
Invite children to help design these spaces using items already at home. When boredom strikes, encourage them to choose a zone and explore.
Seek additional support
Some children develop problematic or addictive screen behaviors that interfere with sleep, responsibilities, emotional regulation, or relationships. If excessive screen use is contributing to anxiety, depression, aggression, or daily dysfunction, and these strategies aren’t helping, it may be time to seek professional support.
Helping children establish healthy screen habits can feel overwhelming. Thankfully, we do not face this challenge alone. God promises wisdom and strength when we ask. “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God…and it will be given to you” (James 1:5).
Trust that He is able to do more than we can imagine as you guide your children toward balance and well-being.
1American Psychological Association – Screen time and emotional problems in kids: A vicious circle?
2American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry – Screen time and children
